promising

Dear me if I don't come here I'll lose it and it scares the hell of me that I might lose it no no it won't happen it won't ever ever happen because I won't let it happen. How strange I've never felt more confident about my writing yet I've never really shown it to anyone, 'it', being these stories I've been writing, not many people besides my writing group have read them but I do want to show them to my friends and they don't have to like them they just have to read them and they don't even have to say anything just read them... yeah.. just read them... yes.. yes..

I don't know anymore. There's nothing in my head today. I get caught in aesthetics and I admire people who can write short sentences that are good. Short sentences that are good. Never have I felt more confident about my writing yet... now I'm thinking about Gabriel and Linden and Martin and the way Gabriel walked out of that hotel he said good night to the man holding his door.

It doesn't make sense. The voice is too loud. I start typing here and it's like my fingers are too slow and I'm hitting the wrong keys and my fingers keep missing that backspace button and it's all just kind of above the ground and not really there.

I'm quite tired. But I'm afraid I might lose it and that's why I'm here tonight. I shall come here some more in the next few days I shall I shall but lately I've been thinking a lot about kaleidoscope and it's promising.