what i say when they say what they say

At the bar, they say, “Adam, you look so tired.”

When they say ‘tired’, they are referring to an indescribable depth, a certain youthfulness mixed with an inclination to contemplate the self, the people, and the world; it’s a melancholy that permeates when the writer is in a state of deep thoughts, when his eyelids seem heavy at times, trying to see what cannot be seen, and though the area around his eyes seem weathered and shaded, his vision is uncompromising.

This is what they mean when they say ‘tired.’ People lack vocabulary. It’s even more impossible to string a statement like that with a beer in one hand and loud music all over.

And I am not convinced, really not convinced of this so-called ‘tiredness’, when I walk into the washroom, look into the mirror, and all I see, each time, is a damn good-looking kid looking back at me. I sure wouldn’t mind having dinner with him, only I can’t keep him too long because at some point he would have to write something, produce some works, so to speak. I don’t know why he puts such pressure on himself or why he lives life so heavily, but that’s how he’s chosen to live, and fuck I find that painfully attractive.