Radioland

I tune into the radio tonight, Saturday night being a time in which I rarely tune in, a radio announcer whom I occasionally listen to announces her final show on the air. It’s funny how I happen to stumble into a moment like this by chance. She says her farewell and her thanks and her fellow announcers cry. She cries too. I find myself paying closer attention to her voice, as if suddenly I become attached, as if a close friend were departing. I feel an unsurfacing emotional rush through my body. The sky suddenly starry, suddenly grand, and I wonder why is it that we become most truthful in the face of departure. There’s a pebble of sadness inside of me. It seems to say something to me, something about my own truthfulness, or lack of it, and how I ought to be truthful to the world so the world can be truthful to me. I’m not fake, I’m bound, over the years I have become this way, it’s no one’s fault. But it makes me think, how free it would be, if I can stand in front of the world, with free moving arms and a free moving face, and words that match what I want to say. I wonder if I can ever attain that kind of freedom. I wonder if I can catch myself, just one time, standing in front of a group, and say to myself, consciously, I’m free, I’m free. That would make me very happy. I would have more friends too.