Work Like Me

So tired. So late now. Can't sleep without writing something here. It's become compulsive. It's as if I don't blog for a day, then the string is cut, then I fall, into a bottomless pit as I watch the string dangle above and me falling deeper and deeper and never making up...

Had a long list of things to do. Also set a schedule for Task A to be completed by this time and Task B to be completed by that time. It's a bad sign when I don't wake up at the hour I wanted. So that's what happened. And so Task A took longer than expected, then it was lunch time, then I felt sleepy and slept and dreamt of Task B and Task C and saw myself doing them in my dream, only to wake up at 4:26pm in the middle of the day, with Tasks B, C and D sitting in front of me like concrete blocks, and I lie back in bed as if by lying there I'd feel lighter, but I get up and it feels heavy as before.

Task A basically took the whole day. The next few tasks will probably get done on the next day. Some tasks will be forgotten, and become mere smudges in my agenda, smudges which I will revisit in the future and it'd prove these tasks to be insignificant, for I had still lived even with such and such tasks incomplete.

Of course I'll live. I just wonder if I'm being too hard on myself. I'd like to think not. But I also like to think yes, you've been too hard on yourself, and so I will rest in my comfortable bed and hear him tell me it's okay, it's okay, or I might go to the kitchen and get some ice-cream. Dear me.