me and my rainbow of choices

It was the early evening when I took the bus to North York. On the bus a boy and a girl were talking about sucking blood from their veins. As I crossed the street a car honked me from close distance. As I passed through the mini carnival set up outside Centrepoint Mall someone yelled at me because I had turned away from him when he said “Hey buddy” and wanted me to take some basketball shots for stuffed animal prizes.

I went to the mall to find my friend M-. She is an inspiration to me. Sixty-five and still working part-time on top of her job as real estate agent. “My daughter is having a baby,” she said, “and she wants to name him Adam, and I know another Adam too!” She was happy I went to the mall to see her.

I would not have gone there had I not stopped by Markville Mall earlier today to learn that she had moved to Centrepoint. I would not have stopped by Centrepoint Mall had my friend not told me that our gathering was pushed back thirty minutes.

From Centrepoint Mall I walked south along Yonge Street. I passed by some interesting Korean shops and a cake café called Yogoberri. I made a note to go there next time on a free day, bring a book, or better yet, call up an old friend and just sit and chat and watch cars go up and down the town.

Tonight there were the four of us and we settled at a patio table at Café La Monde on the west side of Yonge between Church and Finch. While sitting with my friends I had forgotten how I had drifted in the mall earlier today because of some questions I had about myself. I forgot I had had a few hours of drifty self-doubt earlier today.

In fact, as I look back on today, I seem to only remember the part from when I took the bus to North York.

We talked about very light things since I was in a light mode and I hope my friends were in a light mode too. I hope they didn’t have anything heavy they wanted to share but couldn’t say it because I was so light and had already taken into talking about the Grasshopper concert that I’m about to get tickets to. We talked a baby girl named Panda and how a couple meets randomly in the library and gets married. I looked up at the building and thought about when I would get married. I thought about this thing called “life experience” and how I ought to accumulate this in order to better understand how people think and behave. If I want to contribute effectively in this world, it’s good to know a thing about people, and lately I’ve been fascinated with what people think about when they get married, after they get married, or having been married for many years. Many pretty girls walked by our table and I looked up at each of them, keeping mindful that I wasn’t stealing glances, but honestly looking at their faces in appreciation of all that’s good that’s happening around us on this warm summer evening, and when you see honestly, you exchange something pleasant with each of them without even talking, without even talking.

Last night, E- told me she had come to be strong and to accept her suffering because she has no choice. She never had a choice but to accept what God has given her. We make do with what we have. This, I know well. I also know that I’m very lucky because I’m presented with a rainbow of choices. I’ve been lucky since the day I was born. E- said I ought to celebrate my choices.

I am a confident soul. Only sometimes I am weak. And a bit more than sometimes I’m unsure of myself. But when I have a chance to settle back and look back upon… not even so far, say, a day like today for example, I can’t help but to be infinitely thankful for the choices I’ve been given, and the understanding that whatever choice I make will be a good one. I cannot fail. What would you do if you cannot fail? What would you do if your success, like mine, is guaranteed?