my little dears

The tricky part is to write about it and not think it. Even trickier is to think about not thinking about it, and still take pride in recognizing my not thinking about it. But it's too late now, you see, I have already written about it. So I'm better off to let it stay. Watch these rows of letters paint my state of mind in black and white strokes.

I cried when I saw the movie Beautiful Mind. It was the part when John Nash revisits the campus and while sitting down talking with an old acquaintance he notices his imaginary friends standing next to him and he points to them, says to them, "I know you're here, but you need to fuck off. You need to fuck off because I intend to carry on with this life. It's a little life, and I might only have one shot, so you really need to fuck off, if you don't mind." He doesn't say that exactly, but when I saw it, I wanted to pat him on the back.

And there I am sitting in a recently-discovered coffee shop enjoying hot creamy soup and watching the funny world slide from right to left and left to write and I just know these little ones would come and stand next to me. "Spare some change," they might say, or, "Remember me?" And I'd say, "Fuck off." And they'd fuck off. How cool is that? The more we rehearse this, the sooner I won't have to swear anymore.