Where have all my flowers gone?
Downloading msn messenger…
Downloaded.
Pop-up windows, dozens of them, activated: people who have added me whom I have not added. I have not touched messenger or ICQ in more than two years. It’s nice to be added. I feel I am back with the rest of the world again.
What has made me most happy in the recent weeks is the fact I’m reconnecting with people. In the past month I met with three friends, one of whom I hadn’t met in seven years.
“Talking to you now, it doesn’t feel like it’s been that long that I haven’t seen you,” I said to Irene on the way back from our dinner together as she dropped me off, “I’m so glad we met tonight,” I meant it very much.
Maybe there are just lots of things I need to tell my friends. Lots of things I want to know about friends, and to throw my random thoughts at them and see what kind of a reaction bounces back, “If you come to a fork on the road, take it,” what do you suppose that means?
---
I fell pensive this afternoon. It had been a sunny day all day. But while walking home from the coffee shop carrying my stack of books, I passed by a transparent window through which I saw a barren sitting-room with an old-fashioned fan on the ceiling spinning, and I thought of Yuki, of love, how cliché, of whether I have ever been in – Of course I have! What a silly thing to say! I know I have, I just have never given. Yes, it’s been the thinking and reflective kind of love. Not once did I sit by her hospital bed when she had heart check-ups. I reproached myself. I lay on my bed and heard sounds from the outside so clearly, a dog barking in the distance, a child begging to go to the convenient store. I fell asleep for a few frothy minutes.
I got out of bed and had a very early dinner and took to reading the first pages of Fahrenheit 451 and by doing so my pensiveness diluted. I read this book because I have to teach it this week.
It’s now almost 10pm. Tomorrow will be another good day.
---
Me and my girlfriend… it feels like a candle, flickering… this hurts me, and I tell my friends and sometimes they respond like…
“Why don’t you just tell her? What are you waiting for?”
“See yourself a free man!”
Then I feel like sitting on a hard chair in a dark and empty room, for it feels no different.
---
My recent entries have been so much like a diary. I have not scribbled in my diary in a long time. Who’s reading this? I have given my blog address to a few friends and acquaintances but I doubt they are reading, and yet more and more I feel as if this is my actual diary, that I’m writing…
My chain of thought hit a cloud.
I’m conceptualizing a story.
---
Dear me I need life… how about a Gatorade… how I want to sleep early… how I love my window wide open on this drifty frothy Thursday evening… how I have nothing to write about… how my fingers are tapping on the keyboard yelling, where have all the flowers gone…
It's hard to chat and write at the same time.
Downloaded.
Pop-up windows, dozens of them, activated: people who have added me whom I have not added. I have not touched messenger or ICQ in more than two years. It’s nice to be added. I feel I am back with the rest of the world again.
What has made me most happy in the recent weeks is the fact I’m reconnecting with people. In the past month I met with three friends, one of whom I hadn’t met in seven years.
“Talking to you now, it doesn’t feel like it’s been that long that I haven’t seen you,” I said to Irene on the way back from our dinner together as she dropped me off, “I’m so glad we met tonight,” I meant it very much.
Maybe there are just lots of things I need to tell my friends. Lots of things I want to know about friends, and to throw my random thoughts at them and see what kind of a reaction bounces back, “If you come to a fork on the road, take it,” what do you suppose that means?
---
I fell pensive this afternoon. It had been a sunny day all day. But while walking home from the coffee shop carrying my stack of books, I passed by a transparent window through which I saw a barren sitting-room with an old-fashioned fan on the ceiling spinning, and I thought of Yuki, of love, how cliché, of whether I have ever been in – Of course I have! What a silly thing to say! I know I have, I just have never given. Yes, it’s been the thinking and reflective kind of love. Not once did I sit by her hospital bed when she had heart check-ups. I reproached myself. I lay on my bed and heard sounds from the outside so clearly, a dog barking in the distance, a child begging to go to the convenient store. I fell asleep for a few frothy minutes.
I got out of bed and had a very early dinner and took to reading the first pages of Fahrenheit 451 and by doing so my pensiveness diluted. I read this book because I have to teach it this week.
It’s now almost 10pm. Tomorrow will be another good day.
---
Me and my girlfriend… it feels like a candle, flickering… this hurts me, and I tell my friends and sometimes they respond like…
“Why don’t you just tell her? What are you waiting for?”
“See yourself a free man!”
Then I feel like sitting on a hard chair in a dark and empty room, for it feels no different.
---
My recent entries have been so much like a diary. I have not scribbled in my diary in a long time. Who’s reading this? I have given my blog address to a few friends and acquaintances but I doubt they are reading, and yet more and more I feel as if this is my actual diary, that I’m writing…
My chain of thought hit a cloud.
I’m conceptualizing a story.
---
Dear me I need life… how about a Gatorade… how I want to sleep early… how I love my window wide open on this drifty frothy Thursday evening… how I have nothing to write about… how my fingers are tapping on the keyboard yelling, where have all the flowers gone…
It's hard to chat and write at the same time.
posted by Adam C at
10:45 PM
1 Comments:
reading your blog after a long time. great post as usual.
By
Deepa Bhasthi, at 10:22 AM
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